As BAD as it gets

12am on the morning of 17th or night of 16th, whichever way you like to look at it, I decided to switch-off the light and go to bed as I was hardly able to even hold P.G.Wodehouse's Stiff Upper Lips in my hands. But 4 hrs later, I was still awake... Unfortunately all the stupid thoughts decided to enter my head the instant the room went dark. Don't know when I finally fell asleep.

Had to wake up by 7.45am as I had a call to take at 8.30am (these days we are having two Conference Calls everyday - one at 8.30am and another at 6.30pm.) Lack of sleep, low on energy and long, possibly boring presentations on the Agenda for the day made me lose all hope of having a good day. Only positive note was I planned to leave from Office quickly to meet a good, old friend.

5 min after waking up, I'm already shouting at my dad (for something really silly, obviously). Crappy start for a day. Bad omen to start the day on. And if I had had my way, I would slept again and woke up at 11am to make a fresh start to the day. But that wasn't to happen. So I took the call from home, reached office by 9.30.. only to realise that I had no mood to work. I was already looking forward to the evening. ;)

Work can't be done without laptops... lappys are useless without Internet... and Internet isn't complete without without Facebook... So I open Facebook, and the first thing I see is that some of my friends are attending a play on Saturday. I had nothing to do on Saturday, so booked myself for the play. Within the next 15 min, a couple more friends had replied on the thread and a conversation took off which also turned sour in 10 min and I made a comment about my friend (the one whom I was supposed to meet in the evening). My day continued to be bad and I was just dragging myself within the office. What a boring day! Little did I know how eventful my day was to become towards the end.

11.50am: I get a 'hate' sms from my dear friend, "If you don't want to meet me, then say it directly". I hate such threatening messages, especially when sent unprovoked. (okay, I accept, did spark the fire).

Noon to 3.30pm: Sloooow, dragging presentations with the Client. I hated him so much. Why did he have to visit our Office. Couldn't he too have just been on one of the Conference Calls as the others.

With our egos the size of Zeppelin's in the sky, especially mine being larger than an Airbus A380, by 5.30pm, the debate with my friend had reached unstable heights. And I didn't leave Office as I had originally planned.

By 7pm discussion is now on GTalk while the topic remains the same (silly, yes, but important too) when I have to am required in the call. 7.30pm I'm back but she isn't there anymore.

I go back home, have a couple of fights with my Mom and finish my dinner. All the while, checking my phone to see if she had left any reply (Around 8pm I had asked her if it was still possible to meet and discuss). No reply yet. Told you, ego... it had bloated to the size of Titanic by now. And mine was competing with Mt. Everest already. So I sat down to write my WORST (or best?) Hate-mail ever written. It was so insulting (mostly untrue and completely silly) that even I didn't read it twice. After drafting (rather randomly typing) for more than an hour, I click SEND at11.30pm exactly the time she pings me on GTalk again.

Don't know how the conversation was meant to take-off, but once she received my mail, I could feel missiles hitting my face through the screen. It seemed as if I had pressed KILL ME instead of SEND. She literally blasted me. Misunderstanding was everywhere. She didn't get the point of the mail, nor the names I called her. She thought I called her a prostitute. I didn't. I meant something more like a slut (she isn't, but I had to call her something. It's a Hate-mail, remember?).

The conversation, rather the (1482 lines of) argument continued till 2.50am on the morning of 18th (that is about 2 hrs back). Conclusion? Same as every argument, I was right and so was she. But acting like grown-ups, staying calm and pretending to be in total control of our selves, we decided that we would never speak again. And we split up like this -

me: watever makes you happy

Her: My happiness is not in hurting the other one

so let's be

me: eh ?

2:49 AM Her: I don't want to make you feel bad as those last days again

me: ok..

thnx for saying that :)

have a good night then...

2:50 AM Her: have a good night

me: bye

Her: bye anil

I was tired (carrying that Everest-sized ego now hurt me) and laid down to sleep. As I looked back at the evening, the first thought that struck me was "WHAT THE FUCK !!!". And as I went through the mail and the conversation again, the same thought struck me over and over again until my head start aching. And by 3.30am my head became clear(er) and my ego had reduced to the size of an Amoeba. But the damage done was still the size of that largest crater (wherever it is, I think Australia. But that's not the point here.)

Immediately I messaged her on the phone praying that she hadn't slept yet. She hadn't. Obviously. Feeling foolish like me maybe. No, she still happened to be in the shoes of the grown-up. So after texting for another hour, and still sticking to our ends of the conclusion of the argument we parted ways the second time (again never to meet again, ofcourse).

I tried sleeping. Obviously I couldn't because I'm here writing this post now. Actually within 10 min after laying down my throat started hurting. Maybe this was why I was having a hard time swallowing the consequences of my actions. I just couldn't do sleep. I had to write about this.

And now its 5.50am. I feel back at IIT, except that I didn't have to wake up at 8.30am to take a call back then. I'm definitely not going to work after waking up.

I'm going to try that mind-effect, whatever it's called. You concentrate with your mind and whatever you want happens. Magic, but not quite. So I'm going to concentrate my mind on my throat just so much that my voice gets distorted, but I don't get a tumour.

Adios, baby!