Showing posts with label Personal Diaries. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal Diaries. Show all posts

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Valentines day

I found the below post in my drafts today, originally wrote it an year ago (in Feb 2010).
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Feb 14th - marks 6-weeks since the 'Event'. 6-weeks full of motivational-highs and emotional-lows. But its over now. I celebrate Valentine's Day with the loss of my "Implants" (my piercings).

This is how my leg now looks like. Doesn't resemble the rest of the body much, by color or texture, but always good to have two legs to stand on :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
[I felt it was unnecessary to put the over-an-year-old photo of my leg, so I didn't.]
I can continue with a relation to this year's Valentines Day, not directly related, but not unrelated either. Strangely, 1 year later, broadly speaking, this post still holds good. Its 2-weeks instead of 6. and I guess I'm also trying to lose my piercings (metaphorically speaking). I also realize I've got to stand up and be a man on 2 feet or 10. Am more like an infant now, crying until I find the comfort of its mother. Sadly, I don't even know who or what is that, that comforts me. Friends? Girls? Girl friend(s)? Onsite-role? Money? Fame? Alcohol? Cigarettes? Drugs? Sex? Violence? Exercise? Some of them are easy to get, few are a little harder, few are impossible.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

My Day, My High'ness

Experience began around 3am on Children's Day, Nov 14th. Below is the post I wrote from a different world,  unaltered. Sorry about the grammar, that was the best I could do then.
(Have added my comments, if any, in italics). And a couple of names have been removed.
----------------------------------------


I am so high now, everything looks bigger now. I am saying things faster than I am to think.


I am being rude to people now?


My heart is beating so fast.


I'm feeling so HIGH. :)


I know how dumb should I be to want to write this blog post. But I just want to remember this night forever in MY own words. it feels so dumb to me myself.
...


SorrY A*, for acting so rude all this time, while u have been trying to make a conversation abt F1 all this time.


I will put this on FB tomorrow.


Take me back home please.
...


At this time, I feel like .however dumb ur defense might be, I wud say Yes to you. U can convince me easily at this time. Try this 'SHIT' on James Bond, he wud speak.


Am I home yet ?


What's going ON? It feels so funny, I want to write all this, just so I can read it later tomorrow to amuse myself and to share all of this with my friends so that they can make more fun of me and amuse themselves. Still I'm convinced this is the right thing to do.
...


Weren't we closer to Home ages ago?
...


Oh, don't drive so fast. R u Ob Boosters or what? NFS? Cheatcodes? Hahaha.


Just get me home and help me sleep. But I promise (to myself) I shall share all this with all my close friends). a great start to an evening which ended badly, but just to end the day on a 'HIGH'.
...


help me sleep, someone. Help me. I need movement to stay normal. I can type faster than the screen can display. I feel like I am following myself with a camera like in those reality shows, something like in the movie - Crank. You know, as if you are looking at your childhood after going back in time.


Don't worry, I won't puke on you, don't give mw that look.


By the way, it also feels like you have just had bhang. Sh*, you were right, this IS good SHIT. But it feels like its the best thing I have done. likeMote (like more) proud that I didn't do anything, than I DID 'something'.
...


Help me get to tomorrow morning soon, help me, this IS getting me crazy. Like shown in those cartoon films - black wave is trying to gulp a little white caricature of a man. Well, something like that. (wow, that sounds so Phoebe.)


(my friend was watching TV in the Hall) thanks for playing that music, it actually me distract my mind. 'jaane tu ya jaane na'? - she REALLY never knew... Ah, PJ (am I becoming a Chandler now?)


My hands shaking so much I can't even hold the phone properly. Thank you Nokia's predictive text, Cudnt have down it without You. FUCK the iPhone, go get a Nokia. Tagline - I'm Tiger Woods.
...


Why am I only imagine Lisa and Bhare laughing at this post madly by this time, and wanting to share it with all their friends. (to myself: I'm so trying to go backwards n correct my grammar errors, but i want to see it clean n tidy tomorrow, unedited, not even by myself. I think I've left numerous great one-liners above. Oh! N I also was being a Monica earlier. N now, this is Phoebe.


Now, I also see Makhija laughing his Ass off at all this SHIT of a post.
...

Damn! News? Seriously? Why? (he was now watching News on TV)
...


Whom am I amusing by writing all this post? Is it really as funny as it sounds to me right now? What if I don't like it myself tomorrow? (wow, I feel so Shakespeare'an now. Gotcha with the spelling, thank you Nokia).


(lisa stop laughing.)
...


But I don't really think you would have gotten here still understanding the whole joke. this is one of those mazes even that character (of Mahabharata) can (can't) get out of.


Now its 3.45. Will I just stay awake till noon.? somewhere long time back it was 3.20 when I finally got home.


Old Hindi songs now (on TV)? No! An Ad of those. That's even worse (in Joey's tone typical).


Lisa, if you are any bit of a Friend, you should seriously scold me never to do this SHIT again.


How do I sleep? Water doesn't help either.


Old majestic songs (on TV again), huh? No! Its the start of another News. Shut it, shut it. Oh, he did! (you know,w its getting so hard to keep up in typing with my thoughts. I'm like typing 5min after I said it. I'm like imagining stuff 5min into the future. This is time travel. (Note: this was a compulsive joke.)


okay, all of us just missed something, even me. It wud have been like hottest thing on Youtube, if video taped. I thought of a joke and I tried to type it, but was so stuck on the first line... Or first para... That I actually forgot the joke.
...


I should name this 'Memoirs of a * * man' ... Never before seen version, unless you have experienced it.


'Must read, unless you have experienced it.' ... New York Times.


Bestseller.
...


They should tape me at this instant, and use me to publicize this SHIT, n also to show to little kids in school, what they should never do. (never in CAPS).
...


you know, I feel every line in this post is a 'master piece'... A work of art. (in the tone of that Spanish/Italian/French guy showing off grandeurity.


But hell, it still can't express my feelings as I'm feeling them. To hell with words. I wish I could video tape myself, n show my own self how I was a few hrs before that terrible headache (after waking up) happened. (ah, I feel so good, my jokes have become more on the good side of PJs.


More water.
...


U know I read a couple of paras above this, n it felt so dumb, not as funny as I was thinking. Sounded like made up fun to me.


I am dumb n a slow retard (what's that?). Bah! I'm bored now.


I can't even sleep. I roll over, n it feels like having had a lot of that petrol-colored liquid to u. A little is enough with me though.


Damn, those \§&, spoilt a great evening. (I meant those %$^#$ who spoiled a great evening)
...


Just realised, I feel as if I'm transforming now, literally, physically. My skin feels like its peeling out of my skin, now its better. blood circulation? I think.


I ought to send this post to some psychiatrist to psycho-analyse me.


Damn, they didn't have to leave like that. (they is them %$^#$ again)
...


Imaging back in time, I think (n feel) like I have been writing some awesome (in italics) post like some RGV film, that builds up the suspense greatly... Except that I can't remember where I started... Same like RGV.
...


oh, my mouth was dry, I was getting thirsty, so I felt like my skin peeling.


Oh people. never do such SHIT ever, else this is what you become.


9 hrs later...


Everything still feels so different. People are crossing the road too fast.my bike has no brakes, have to get that fixed.


Its so strange, everything feels so new. This is the road I take everyday to go home, but today it feels wider and better. (The GHMC guys should give everyone this SHIT, then no one will ever complain.)
(I didn't even have that headache I forebode)


I still remember that they spoilt what was supposed to be a great evening. But hell, today seems a new day.


My bike has no brakes, damn. Let me reach home soon, n I'm not getting on my bike again today.


13 hrs later... (back on bike already)


I want chocolate, loads of chocolate. ate a lot of sugar, n Dark Chocolate powder.


And you know what I would name this post, My day, My High'ness. :)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Life 5.0

Some days in your life are very important - some for good reasons and some for not so good reasons. For me, today, March 1st, 2010 was one such day.

If you had something good, you would say it was beautiful. If it was something bad, you would say it was an experience. A "Beautiful Experience" ended for me today. A loss, a few drops of tears, a 'small' peg of Rum helped me deal with what I was being forced into. Something I should have done much earlier maybe(?) but didn't - because I didn't have the courage to do it, the strength to face the consequences, neither did I have the ability to be practical. More importantly, I had slipped into a comfort zone and I didn't (want to?) make myself get out of it. I should frankly rate myself as a failure there. There were many opportunities, and the need too, before, but I never made them work.

Now I have to get my life on track - I procrastinated for too long. It's high-time now for a BIG change, the fifth phase in my life - Life 5.0.

P.S. I begin by acting on one of the actions I was sitting on from long - this will be the last post on my personal life. This blog is about A Beautiful Mind, not Beautiful Life or Beautiful Experiences. I started this blog for a specific reason, the digression from which is regretted. That said, my life is still an open book for all my friends to read. Am always available with the green bulb on GTalk, or on GMail. Wish me luck.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Back on 2 feet...

Hoorah! Today, I took my first steps - on both feet and without any external support. Ofcourse, it was not for more than 10m but that's good enough for me to proclaim - I'M BACK (or will be, real soon).

Monday, February 15, 2010

"Fracture" Diaries - Entry 8 - 6 weeks, THE END !

Feb 14th - 6-weeks since the 'Event'. 6-weeks full of motivational-highs and emotional-lows. But its over now. I celebrate Valentine's Day with the loss of my "Implants" (my piercings).

6-weeks have gone by, yet the memory of that day still haunts me. Thin, curved, one-lane ghat road – lost in talk with the pillion rider – appreciating the beauty of the landscape - rocky muddy stretch lining the road – the slope next to it – the only protruding rock (which would hit my leg, and pull-off my Woodlands shoe) – a log (which I missed falling on) – and my bike lying far below in a broken state.

A few more incidents that I can never forget:
(In Vikarabad)
Doc: Do you drink tea?
Me: Yeah sometimes.
Doc: And what about beer?
Me: (Ahaa, I can see where you are getting at.) No.
(While being examined after taking the X-Ray)
Asst. Doc: This toe got dislocated.
Me: Ok.
Asst. Doc (examining closely): Can you move it?
Me: Am not able to. It hurts.
Asst. Doc: Ok. (And pulls at it as if pulling cork out of a wine bottle and it snaps into place.)
Me: (Screeeeeeeeeeam)
Asst. Doc: Try again.
Me: No, still not able to. (but it now hurts a goddamnillion times more. Why would I come to a hospital if I needed tradition bone setting. Is my toe even still there?)
(Inside the Operation Theatre)
Nurse1 (to another nurse): How long do you think it will take?
Nurse2: Maybe about an hour.
Nurse1: That’s what they always say. They said same yesterday but it took 3-4 hrs. Had to bone gratification and all.
Me: smile_whatchutalkingabout(Oh SHIT!!! )
(Inside the Operation Theatre)
Sr. Doc: See the spinal cord, inject here.
(Jr. Doc does something)
Sr. Doc: Press here… a little above… and inject.
(Jr. Doc does something again and I twitch.)
Sr. Doc: Why does he feel pain? Do again… like this.
(Jr. Doc does it again and this time I don’t feel anything.)
Sr. Doc (to me): Lift your legs.
Me: I’m not able to even feel them.
Sr. Doc: Good, then the anesthesia is working.
Me: (So you were testing your students? Was I his mid-sem test? Fail him, he took 3 chances.)

1 dislocation and 3-fractures, 1 POP slab, 2 K-wires, 4 pins and a fixator, lots and lots of bandage, and 6-weeks later – The bones are back in place. Not back to normal, but atleast I can keep my foot down (for namesake). smile_party

My leg finally sees the light of day. Although it doesn't resemble the other foot much, by color or texture, it’s always good to have two legs to stand on.
13022010(004)Swollen, darker and with skin peeling-off like for a snake
13022010(002)30012010(001)
I never really liked piercings.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Changes in my life

January was quite a roller-coaster ride of a life for me, emotionally and physically, and the most rocking one at that. Not the rocking of "That was a rocking party", but the rocking as in "shaking". But soon I found myself again and am in the process of a total reformation now.

1. I'm more optimistic now. I have shun my lack-of-confidence or inferiority complex. Afterall,
God made me tall, dark and handsome. Atleast 66% so.

2. My motto is Early to bed, early to rise. And I have already begun practising half of it.

3. And I have now begun to believe that Stupidity is a virtue and Ignorance is bliss.

Friday, January 15, 2010

"Fracture" Diaries - Entry 7 - What happened next?

One of the first almost everyone asked was - How did my family react to the news?

My initial idea was to get the surgery done and go home then. Not that I was scared to tell them but just didn't want to scare them. I only told my brother but he ended up telling my dad and brother-in-law who them came to pick me up.

On the way back, my dad remained pretty cool and we were joking about stuff too. He even related to me a story of how he got dragged some distance by a bus when he slipped trying to get in while it was moving. This was a long time ago, before he got married. I guess, the 4 of us in the car are the only people alive now who know this story.

My brother-in-law's reaction was, "You need to take your life more seriously. You need to become responsible now. Else get married."

My mother was worried (obviously) and kept saying, "Look what you have gotten yourself into this time." Yesterday, which is about 11 days after the accident, she told me, how, in my childhood, I hit a pillar in the parking space and got stitches - twice.

My sister found a way to relate the accident to why I should do my MBA. (I'm baffled.)

My nephew, though he doesn't understand the seriousness of what happened, asks me every day why I went fast and fell. And he is the only one who has been able to make me feel guilty, sheerly through his constant questioning.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Dreams...

Found this post today in the drafts. I began it on 7/19/09 at 12:50 AM
--------------------------------------------

Writing this post was my dream.. so here goes

--------------------------------------------

God only knows what that 'dream' was :P Actually I remember too but not clearly enough to finish the post.

Talking of dreams, these days I'm getting weird dreams... some of them I can recollect I got a few years back - very similar ones (the same abandoned house, a huge empty slum, a small house with a single yellow flower in the garden and the same family living in it - only the couple living in the house were divorced this time). And its not like déjà vu either.

In some other dreams, its people I know personally, but their family, house, everything is different from real life. Like the family living in the house with the yellow flower - they are our family friends... neither do they live in that house, nor are they divorced. Another time, I dreamt that a close friend of mine belonged to a Factionist family with which I had some rivalry. But in reality, her's is a family of passionate but non-violent people.

I have bought the book "Interpretation of Dreams" by Sigmund Freud. Hopefully, he can throw some light. Atleast an "It's irrelevant" would be good enough.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Life Sucks

Yes, life sucks... I mean, MY life sucks.

I can't tell you how bad I'm feeling right now. Words evade me, more than they ever have. I have reached my personal limit and seem close to breaking any moment.

And this isn't because of the Bike Repair costs or the Hospital bill or anything financial at all. Nor is it about my right leg, that's become more a liability than an asset and shall remain so for the next 6 weeks.

It is because of all of the above put in the light of Past and Future (as I see it). You could say, Past, Present and Future together are screwing me. It's like the God of 4th Dimension - Time (I don't think we Indians have one, do the Greeks?) is fucking me left, right and center (to put in Indian Slang).

My bad luck has literally been following me like the ghost in The Shutter since beginning of December. I accept, I have a poor memory... but all I can still remember and only think of is how life should have been SO DIFFERENT. I had less than 48hrs of clear, happy time before I took the fall again, this time literally as well. And I can see what's in store for me in the Future till as ahead as March and all I see is 'More bad things await me'. Not bad things as bad things, but things that would make me sad. I'm sick and tired of these things. I HATE MY LIFE.

They say 'There is light at the end of the tunnel'. But my life is like driving in the tunnel on a moonless night with no headlamps. Only more darkness awaits me. And I can't wait for light (read sense, reasoning and/or practicality) to dawn, it's getting unbearably frustrating.

Hopefully tomorrow would mark an end to all this.

Terrible News

Just got the news,

The repair costs for my bike - Rs. 19,800

FUCK! SHIT! Only now is the seriousness of the accident sinking into me.

Connecting the dots?

BEFORE

A bottle of Betadine that I saw in my friend's room. At that time, I didn't know what it was used for.
Impressions similar to the one above were made by my wet feet on the dry bathroom floor and somehow, something as silly and ordinary as that caught my attention. And I still remember how I kept staring at those impressions for a couple of seconds.
Just as I was about to leave home, my second nephew started crying. I went back to his room and patted him slowly on the chest for a couple of minutes till he stopped.After I left home, my sister needed some cotton and my dad could only, immediately, find a sterile pad which he gave her. She thought of saying, "Someone might need it. All I need is some cotton." But she didn't, instead just thought everyone will be fine and no one would need it.

AFTER

Once admitted to the hospital, the nurse said examining my bruised hand, "I will clean it with Betadine. It might hurt a little."
Looking at my bruised hand, I thought, "Last time I fell down I bought sterile pads which I didn't use 'coz they were much larger than required. This time they will fit correct."
A silly and ordinary impression like, I will not be able to make for the next 6 weeks (atleast).
There is a certain superstition that when a baby is born satisfying conditions blah, blah, blah... the uncle is supposed to see the reflection of the baby's face in oil first, then directly. My second nephew satisfied the conditions and I was duly made aware of the superstition by a relative. Obviously, I didn't care for it and neither did my brother (the next day). I met my fate, and 2 days later while coming to the hospital to see me, my brother met with a what-could-have-been-a-serious-accident but luckily escaped unscathed. Suddenly, everyone now feels it's safe not to ignore the superstition.

Looking back, do you think there was more to what caught my eye. Could this be a way of interpreting, what Steve Jobs said, 'Connecting the dots'. Or am I just being John Nash? Either way scares me.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

"Fracture" Diaries - Entry 6 - What happens next?

To answer other doubts that you may have.

What happened to the bike? - It is not in a condition to be driven. Still in Vikarabad. My Uncle's contact would soon be shipping (or trolley-ing it) to Hyderabad soon.

When will I be back on the bike again? - My family members are undecided on the future course of action. Some say it should be sold off in Vikarabad itself, and others that it should be brought back to Hyderabad and sold off. So the answer to the question - probably never :(
(But don't worry, I won't lose the bike that easily. It will still take 3-4 months before I'm back on the bike though (that too 'coz the doctor instructed so.)

What am I doing in the "Extended Winter Vacation" (as my dad put it)? - Am still on medication. And the pain killer I'm given is more sort of a sleep-if-you-feel-pain-pill. So, am mostly drowsy (read dead-asleep). I also tried to tell Advaith a bed-time story :) (FYI, I don't remember how the story ended, probably 'coz I slept before I could finish it.)
The Emperor's New Clothes

"Fracture" Diaries - Entry 5

Created on the hospital bed from my mobile Jan 6th, 11 pm
---------------------------------------------------------

I'm back home now... Finally (!!) and for 6 weeks.

I saw X-ray taken after surgery. The 2 wires and 4 pins with the fixator are clearly visible. Infact I didn't even need an X-ray to feel the implants in my foot.

X-Ray (Post-surgery)

Just before getting discharged, the doctor saw me again. And he said to me, "Treat these 6-weeks like a good break in your 22 yrs. Do not waste your time watching stupid telugu movies or telugu serials, where 1 guy is married to 2 women or 2 guys are married to 3 women. Do something productive and worthwhile."

So have you got any suggestions for me? Go on, am all ears. What better do I have anyway.

So Jobless

"Fracture" Diaries - Entry 4

Created on the hospital bed from my mobile Jan 5th, 6 pm
--------------------------------------------------------

The instructions were clear - eat nothing after mid-night, and drink not even water after 6am. I was to be taken for the operation between 9-10.

I was ready before 8, having stripped myself of every thread on my body and having worn the 'Green' dress.

"Green" Dress

But it wasn't until 11.30am that I was put on a stretcher and taken to the OT. Having nowhere to look but upwards along the way, I noticed how the lights were placed farther and ceiling became progressively darker with each passing door. We finally entered a large wooden door with dark glass panes, into which my dad and brother weren't allowed, and this was the darkest room of all.

OT

Then I was pushed into the next room, which was much brighter. In the center, lay a bed, to which were attached two huge hemispheres with a dozen bulbs on each. Lot of activity was going on in this room.

I was sedated and a junior doctor tried to give me anesthesia (for hips and below) and caused me much pain, after which the senior doctor took over. I slept and was woken when I was being taken back to my room, which was around 5pm. The doctor returned for a check-up and told me, "The surgery went well. We have put wires for extra support and put PoP on the leg. But you shouldn't walk for next 6 weeks."

I don't believe in God, he is the one doing bad things to me.



"Fracture" Diaries - Entry 3

Created on the hospital bed from my mobile Jan 4th, 9 pm
--------------------------------------------------------

Just when my cousin, who had heard of my accident and come to see me, was leaving, a barber entered. He said he needed to give me a shave. Granted, I wasn't looking in the best of shape, but did I need to look handsome for a surgery or was I expected to kiss the nurse?

I asked him the name of the patient, just to confirm that he had come to the correct patient, and he had. He took me to a closed room and gave me the strangest shave ever - naval downwards. I hadn't, till then, ever imagined that I would leave my private parts in the hands of someone I had never met before, especially a guy.

Just as I was preparing to sleep, I got a call from a family friend, who had just returned from the States. Although he is about 60 yrs elder to me, we are comfortable in talking to each other. It took about 15 min for our discussion to turn towards bike accidents and hospitals, and I revealed to him the condition and location of my self.

To cheer me up, the old man then told me a joke, not quite a joke but something that served the purpose -

One day a doctor was walking down the corridor of a hospital when he recognized the man being taken into the ICU to be his old friend. So he went up to him and asked, "Hello David, how are you?" and David replied, "Am fine, thank you."

If you ask me now how I'm, as already have a long list of people, that would be my answer too, "Am fine, thank you."

A frame I found in the hospital (truly cute, ain't it?)

My lunch. Idly? No. Two balls of rice (and it tastes better than it looks)

"Fracture" Diaries - Entry 2

Created on the hospital bed from my mobile Jan 4th, 4 pm
--------------------------------------------------------

It's past noon now... and I'm waiting in my room.

The appointment with the doctor went well. A Digital X-ray was taken and the analysis was "3 fractures and 1 dislocated toe in the right foot".

X-Ray (Can you spot the damage?)

While dressing up my foot, the junior doctor pulled my little-toe hard, to, as he called it, "relocate" it. I shrieked in pain.

Surgery was inevitable for the remaining 3 toes, and has been scheduled for tomorrow morning. Unable to even touch the ground with my right foot, I sat confined to a wheel chair in the Waiting Lounge, while, dad and brother-in-law completed the formalities to get me admitted. You wouldn’t believe, but going to the restroom seems an ordeal too.

Have to survive like this till tomorrow morning, it's only 4 hrs past noon still.

Learning to use the Walker (seen speaking to my cousin)


"Fracture" Diaries - Entry 1

Created on my bed from my mobile Jan 3rd, 11.30 pm
---------------------------------------------------

I'm crying now... Not because my leg is hurting but with the thought that how could I have been so irresponsible, so casual and take-it-for-granted about everything. And that I also risked the life of a close friend.

About 7 hrs before, shivering as if I was standing naked in Antarctica, I looked on as my friends tried to lift my bike lying some 8-9 ft below road level. We both had just been pulled up from where we were lying - about 6-7 ft below the road level. Just 30 sec earlier we were happily chatting on the bike and the trip seemed a very memorable one. I was driving very slow, on the extreme left and had both my hands on the handle. Yet the trip became memorable, for regrettable actions on my part and we ended up visiting the local Mission Hospital (which obviously wasn't part of the plan).

I still remember those 10 sec when I felt close to death. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. But luckily, the other one wasn't hurt badly. Infact, as per my friend even I wasn't hurt much, "tu bach gaya bey, just 3 fractures" (you are saved, just 3 fractures).

Not willing to be operated in Vikarabad I told my dad everything and he came to pick me up. In the meantime lots of calls were made. Someone from my uncle's paper working in Vikarabad arrived within minutes. The best orthopadecians and contacts were listed and my brother-in-law's far-relative in Kamineni Hospirtal was finalized.

I'm now at home waiting (in pain) for tomorrow's appointment. Have taken two Paracetamol tablets - would doze off soon.

My Hand
The (Fractured) Leg
This is how I spent the entire night

Friday, January 1, 2010

Advaith II

Advaith's younger brother was born today (Dec 31st) at 8.26pm. Below is the new born's pic taken when he was just 2 hrs old and below that is a video of Advaith (obviously very excited to meet his little brother).



And this is how we celebrated New Year (in the hospital).

Thursday, December 31, 2009

Bringing up kids...

Bringing up kids... is no easy task. So I've heard countless times before from numerous parents. Some even took to beating their kids so not to 'spoil' them, and I call them, "Chumps". I've always held a view very different from them - beating kids hurts their ego and confidence and is not good for their overall development. Instead, as they say, "showering more love" should do the trick.

Yet in the last 1 week, I slapped Advaith twice and I don't like it myself. His actions on these two occasions were just silly and committed in a playful mood, with no intention to hurt anyone. Infact, I can't even say his actions could have hurt someone unintentionally. Tell me, how harmful, could throwing a book on the floor or kicking someone on their face with his little feet, be.

But when the repetitiveness of the same actions begins to stretch beyond the boundaries of play, a growing concern inside you calls for an immediate action on your part to make them stop it. And when your "No, don't do it"s go unheeded you are left at a loss. You obviously couldn't leave the kid in a room full of books asking him to throw them all down, like the dad who wanted to make his son quit smoking. You also couldn't throw down a book yourself, and pretend to, as the idiom goes, "bring the house down", 'coz that would be like encouraging them to do it literally, bring the house down. And kids, you should know, HAVE the patience and energy to do anything they set their hearts to. Never spark such desires in them.

So what is it that you could possibly do to make them see sense. What if your "Don't make me come and hit you" (final) warnings (while holding back a smile and faking anger in your tone) is replied in the Gandhian way, "Come, hit me." A reply like that made the English resign and leave, over 60 years ago. You see, the English didn't care (and didn't need to, anymore) what shit we could possibly get outselves into, but I do. So I'm left with not even that option.

I ended up being a Chump. Not once, but twice in a week. I'm sure what I did wasn't the best thing to do, and I'm not very sure if it was even the right thing to do. But I am just ignorant of any better option (read action). And what's worse is when, after I slapped him, he hugged me and holding back tears, asked, "Why did you hit me?". I told him, "because you threw the book down", but I know that's not the truth. The real answer was "because I was a Chump".

You tell me what other options did I have.

Monday, December 28, 2009

My first dinner

Today we invited my sister, brother-in-law and Advaith home for lunch and I prepared lunch for everyone.

Cooked dal, curry and rice (and this time I took a pic).



(Posted from mobile).